my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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