I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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