Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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