My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
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It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
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I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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