Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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