Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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