i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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