Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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