No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize