that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
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Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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