why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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