Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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