Apparently you make a good broom.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
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I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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