I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize