New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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