i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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