Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
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Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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