The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Randomize