Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish I only lived at night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
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This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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