you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize