she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish you could order shots online.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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