the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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