I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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