Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
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We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize