I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize