just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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