Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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