so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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