I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize