i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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