ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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