Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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