We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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