Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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