I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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