How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
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I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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