I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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