you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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