xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize