I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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