That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize