fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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