You smell like stripper and shame
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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