Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
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"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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