allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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