listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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