just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
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A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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