I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize