I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize