just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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